Tough AND Love
“Missed opportunity”. “Inadequate world-building detail.” “Not enough character motivation.”
These are phrases a writer friend got from a developmental edit. It’s not that they weren’t true—my writer friend is always prepared for tough love when it comes to feedback—but the comments didn’t land right.
If we get negative feedback, we often blame ourselves for our thin skin. I guess I can’t accept criticism. Yet there’s diva behavior (“You, the expert, are just wrong!”) and then there’s valid concern that the feedback hurts.
That’s because there has to be love in “tough-love”. And it’s not because writers are wimps. In fact, with the amount of rejection writers deal with all the time, we’re stronger than most. But we’re also humans with real feelings and we pour our hearts and souls into our work. Having some compassion and empathy with our medicine helps.
It’s not that the experts offering this advice are cruel. Often they simply don’t realize the effect of their words (ironic, I know). I think it’s because not all of them are teachers (and I don’t mean they need to have a teaching degree). They may know how to write but actually providing empathetic, useful, constructive feedback that will encourage and help a writer improve is in itself a learned skill.
It’s what I strive to offer my clients in my own coaching business, and what I look for when I work with other professionals.
You deserve the same.