The Cycle of Self-Doubt

Jennie, my book coach, provided her feedback on her read through of my manuscript. She writes: “A couple of big, but TOTALLY EASILY SOLVE-ABLE issues.”

I read: BIG ISSUES

Jennie writes: “A couple of medium issues.”

I read: Even more issues? Really?

Jennie writes: “And a couple of small issues.”

I read: Big, medium and small issues?! Oh my God, that covers the whole book!

Jennie writes: “I still love, love, love this story as much as I did as you were writing it but reading it through as a whole showed me the problematic patterns that need to be shored up.”

I read: “but… whole… problematic patterns…”

Jennie writes: “This is a totally normal process–it happens all the time.”

I read: This writing process will never end.

Am I being irrational and illogical? Obviously. Does that change anything? Of course not.

Every day in my Writer’s Craft class, I write on the board an inspirational quote from a published author to encourage my students.

Here’s what I wrote last week: “Sometimes writing sucks.”–Ms. Braaksma

Okay, I also wrote something uplifting from some already successful writer and I told my students I was joking about my quote (well, I wasn’t exactly joking, and then I told them that, too).

What I told them is that it’s normal to doubt yourself as a writer. What I told them is that it’s easy to know, cognitively, that another set of eyes will obviously pick up on things you can’t see–like proofreading your own work is almost impossible. What I told them is that knowing that still doesn’t make it any easier. What I told them is that they’re not alone if they feel doubt and frustration and dismay at ever finishing a good story. What I told them is that it’s okay to feel that way (but they still need to hand their story in next week if they want to get a good mark on their midterm report card).

What I told them is everything I believe to be true (especially handing in their assignments on time.)

And maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll actually believe it to be true for me, too. 🙂

 

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